What Do You See?
by Larael
Summary: Remus and Tonks have a heart to heart talk about their life. Oneshot. Please read & review! No flames allowed. Intended to be set during OotP.


**Authoress' Notes: **I am extremely pleased with the way this little oneshot came out! It is a Remus/Tonks pairing, so for those of you who don't like it, don't read it. Thanks! Just a quick warning- things may get a bit soppy.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of these characters, the brilliant JK Rowling does. I would never have been smart enough to come up with such awesome characters.

**What Do You See?**

It was past midnight at number 12 Grimmauld Place, and the dark corridors and rooms were silent as people slumbered. The fire in the great hearth had gone out hours ago, and the last sounds of life in the old house had ceased long before that. Mrs.Black snored lightly from behind her black drapes in the entrance hall, and Kreacher scurried about quietly in the attic searching for household relics that had not yet been thrown out. Even Sirius, who normally slept as a dog curled up on the hearthrug, had fallen asleep on the lumpy couch, a firewhiskey bottle still in his left hand. Hermione was there too, slumped in a chair by the grate, a book slipping off her lap and the candle next to her burned nearly to a stub. Right now the only source of movement and light was coming from the small kitchen where Remus had lit a match and was proceeding to light the burner on the stove in order to boil some water for tea.

Unlike other wizards, he enjoyed doing things the Muggle way every once in a while, just for the thrill.

As the water began to boil Remus looked irritably out the large kitchen window, coated in grime, at the waxing moon. It shone brightly tonight, which reminded Remus of the reason he was really up at this time. It seemed that he was always more restless before a full moon, causing him to have almost sleepless nights. The terrible bags under his eyes and the greying of his hair were definite testimonies to such nights. He absentmindedly rubbed his temple and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Do ya have enough tea for two in there?" a female's tired voice asked.

Remus broke out of his reverie, opened his grey eyes, and put on a tired smile, "Oh, Tonks… I didn't hear you come in. I've got plenty of tea here."

The young woman smiled warmly back, crossed her arms over her chest, and yawned sleepily as she waited for her tea.

Remus turned off the gas stove, took out two chipped mugs (remembering to turn them upside down in case a little creature had made its home there) and poured some steaming, brown tea for the two of them. He handed one mug to Tonks who took a long sip from it, her eyes closed. She let out a low sigh.

"Thanks dear," she said quietly, clutching the mug close with two hands as if its heat would keep her warm from some chill in the room.

"Not a problem. So… eh, why are you up so late?" Remus asked, looking down at his threadbare house slippers and then taking a sip of tea.

"I was thinking…" Tonks hesitated," about us. About Bill and Fleur's marriage, well… really about marriage in general." She waved her hand in non-committed manner

Remus butted in, "Nymphadora, you know I'm -"

"-too old, too poor, to dangerous for me. Yes, I know. And _don't call me that name_" she snapped, then sighed again, "Remus, those excuses are nothing. I'll never stop loving you, and you know that. I don't care what people will say, as long as we love each other, we'll be happy," a frustrated edge appeared in Tonks' voice, "I can't stand us being apart Remus, it's driving me mad! I just want to be with you! Why can't I be a part of your life?"

"Nyphadora Tonks, you should never doubt that I don't love you! _Ever_," Remus said sharply. Softening, he pulled her into a one armed embrace. " I just don't understand… What do you see in me?"

Tonks looked up with a near shocked expression etched on her face as if she couldn't believe he had actually asked such a question, "I see a tired man that the world has taken its toll on. He has been unloved and shunned most of his life, and he hopes that one day someone will see him for who he truly is on the inside, not for what he has become on the outside," Tonks paused, pulling out of his tight hold slightly, "I _am_ that someone Remus! Why won't you take a chance at life with me?"

Remus was silent, torn between his love for the woman standing before him, and for her safety, safety from himself. If he were to harm her whilst in his werewolf form he would never be able to forgive himself. And, what if he killed her? Tears threatened to flow at that thought, and he quickly banished it, swiping the sleeve of his bathrobe across his eyes. Finally he looked at her beautiful face that was twisted with sadness and confusion, "I'm sorry," he whispered.

The sadness was replaced quickly by anger as Tonks' eyes flashed, and glistened as hot tears brimmed, and began to roll down her cheeks. Her unhappiness was a perfect contrast against her glowing bubble gum pink hair.

"You always are," she whispered icily into his ear.

Then she kissed him lightly on the lips, just enough to make him want more. Her hand trailed down his cheek and around his neck. She was pushing herself closer than he wanted. Dangerously close. He didn't want to put her in that kind of situation. They couldn't be together and he knew it. She let go of him abruptly upon realising he would not return the fervor with which she kissed him. Pushing the half-empty mug into his free hand she turned on her heel and was gone, just as abruptly as she had appeared.

Remus stood rooted to the spot for a moment as the kiss and Tonks' gentle touch washed over his body leaving his lips tingling, his throat tight, and a feeling of longing in the pit of his stomach that was slowly spreading. No one had ever touched him that way in his life. No one had ever wanted to talk to him either, much less touch him. Sighing, he dumped the mugs in the kitchen sink, having lost his appetite for anything, watching the brown liquid form swirls and patterns before slipping down the drain.

_Just like my life_, Remus thought sadly.

He sat down at the table, closed his weary eyes, and put his head in his hands.

_Why did the world have to be so troublesome?_


End file.
